dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
