there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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