the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
