her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
