Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
