Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
