I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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