even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
