Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pants are for mortals
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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