I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
