There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
