i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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