That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
