I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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