I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
