all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
