its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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