I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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