i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
