we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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