the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
