How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
