I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
