In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
