Do you still have your period?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
