ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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