White coat. Heels.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
