How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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