I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
