I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
