He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Vodka?
Forever.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
