He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
