they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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