I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
it's like iHOP with fire
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
