i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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