life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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