Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
