if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dicks are not precious.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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