so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
