You really coming over, don't trick.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
