A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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