I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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