Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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