So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
