Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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