Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
