Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
