Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
