Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Still dying that you shit outside
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
