After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
