Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
