At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
