its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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